I am a sixteen year old girl who suddenly has come to terms, or is trying to, with the fact that every day I am making decisions which will ultimately affect the rest of my life. Without overdramatizing things, I believe that today there is an incredible amount of pressure on young people, and for me personally, I am beginning to catch a glimpse of my life as an adult- and for the first time there could be nothing scarier.
The exercise using vectors to try and map out all the thoughts in my head concerning university and my life was something I had no previous knowledge of. The initial process of simply writing down my thoughts on paper was something which I had never thought of doing before, but was actually incredibly interesting as it added some sense of solidity to the dreams that pass through my head on a daily basis.
It is really hard to put into words the experience I had. Daily I seem to be bombarded with thousands of pieces of information, some things may influence me or have an effect, whilst others simply pass; the idea of formulating some sort of navigation between such a complex web of ideas was surreal, but also incredibly enlightening- travelling between things such as theatre and human rights, things which I would never have seen the link of before, I was now suddenly realising how everything is connected, as everything makes and influences the person I am.
A very deep moment for me was the walk between what we called the starting destination and the final destination. Basically we drew a line between the place where I had originally started and the place where I ended up, and it was actually quite crazy to see how my whole journey had resulted in one simple line. Then I was asked to go deep inside myself, in an almost meditative state to begin the walk between these two points. And all I was left with was the journey I had just taken, and what seemed like the almost primal intuitive gut feelings which grounded the bases for all the ideas I had mapped out. Just like that, I was deeply questioning the formulation of myself, almost un-building the bricks which make me, and with each brick I removed I seemed to have removed a weight or a burden of myself. This relief brought on what I can only describe as real, true emotion. Rather like images, I was suddenly overcome with thoughts of things such as brightness and the sun.
At the end of each walk, and at the end of the process altogether, I was left with a feeling which can only be described as pure relief. I really do feel after taking this journey, like I have come to terms with where I am in the greater scheme of my life. I am a child. I am an adult. In many ways I am both. Standing on what seems like the edge of something huge, to see clarity, to see brightness, is something which is both rare and something for which I am eternally grateful for.